Tuesday, September 30, 2008

The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination



Harvard University Commencement Address

J.K. Rowling


Copyright June 2008

As prepared for delivery


President Faust, members of the Harvard Corporation and the Board of Overseers, members of the faculty, proud parents, and, above all, graduates.

The first thing I would like to say is ‘thank you.’ Not only has Harvard given me an extraordinary honour, but the weeks of fear and nausea I’ve experienced at the thought of giving this commencement address have made me lose weight. A win-win situation! Now all I have to do is take deep breaths, squint at the red banners and fool myself into believing I am at the world’s best-educated Harry Potter convention.

Delivering a commencement address is a great responsibility; or so I thought until I cast my mind back to my own graduation. The commencement speaker that day was the distinguished British philosopher Baroness Mary Warnock. Reflecting on her speech has helped me enormously in writing this one, because it turns out that I can’t remember a single word she said. This liberating discovery enables me to proceed without any fear that I might inadvertently influence you to abandon promising careers in business, law or politics for the giddy delights of becoming a gay wizard.

You see? If all you remember in years to come is the ‘gay wizard’ joke, I’ve still come out ahead of Baroness Mary Warnock. Achievable goals: the first step towards personal improvement.

Actually, I have wracked my mind and heart for what I ought to say to you today. I have asked myself what I wish I had known at my own graduation, and what important lessons I have learned in the 21 years that has expired between that day and this.

I have come up with two answers. On this wonderful day when we are gathered together to celebrate your academic success, I have decided to talk to you about the benefits of failure. And as you stand on the threshold of what is sometimes called ‘real life’, I want to extol the crucial importance of imagination.

These might seem quixotic or paradoxical choices, but please bear with me.

Looking back at the 21-year-old that I was at graduation, is a slightly uncomfortable experience for the 42-year-old that she has become. Half my lifetime ago, I was striking an uneasy balance between the ambition I had for myself, and what those closest to me expected of me.

I was convinced that the only thing I wanted to do, ever, was to write novels. However, my parents, both of whom came from impoverished backgrounds and neither of whom had been to college, took the view that my overactive imagination was an amusing personal quirk that could never pay a mortgage, or secure a pension.

They had hoped that I would take a vocational degree; I wanted to study English Literature. A compromise was reached that in retrospect satisfied nobody, and I went up to study Modern Languages. Hardly had my parents’ car rounded the corner at the end of the road than I ditched German and scuttled off down the Classics corridor.

I cannot remember telling my parents that I was studying Classics; they might well have found out for the first time on graduation day. Of all subjects on this planet, I think they would have been hard put to name one less useful than Greek mythology when it came to securing the keys to an executive bathroom.

I would like to make it clear, in parenthesis, that I do not blame my parents for their point of view. There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you. What is more, I cannot criticise my parents for hoping that I would never experience poverty. They had been poor themselves, and I have since been poor, and I quite agree with them that it is not an ennobling experience. Poverty entails fear, and stress, and sometimes depression; it means a thousand petty humiliations and hardships. Climbing out of poverty by your own efforts, that is indeed something on which to pride yourself, but poverty itself is romanticised only by fools.

What I feared most for myself at your age was not poverty, but failure.

At your age, in spite of a distinct lack of motivation at university, where I had spent far too long in the coffee bar writing stories, and far too little time at lectures, I had a knack for passing examinations, and that, for years, had been the measure of success in my life and that of my peers.

I am not dull enough to suppose that because you are young, gifted and well-educated, you have never known hardship or heartbreak. Talent and intelligence never yet inoculated anyone against the caprice of the Fates, and I do not for a moment suppose that everyone here has enjoyed an existence of unruffled privilege and contentment.

However, the fact that you are graduating from Harvard suggests that you are not very well-acquainted with failure. You might be driven by a fear of failure quite as much as a desire for success. Indeed, your conception of failure might not be too far from the average person’s idea of success, so high have you already flown academically.

Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it. So I think it fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.

Now, I am not going to stand here and tell you that failure is fun. That period of my life was a dark one, and I had no idea that there was going to be what the press has since represented as a kind of fairy tale resolution. I had no idea how far the tunnel extended, and for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope rather than a reality.

So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had already been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.

You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default.

Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected; I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above rubies.

The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more to me than any qualification I ever earned.

Given a time machine or a Time Turner, I would tell my 21-year-old self that personal happiness lies in knowing that life is not a check-list of acquisition or achievement. Your qualifications, your CV, are not your life, though you will meet many people of my age and older who confuse the two. Life is difficult, and complicated, and beyond anyone’s total control, and the humility to know that will enable you to survive its vicissitudes.

You might think that I chose my second theme, the importance of imagination, because of the part it played in rebuilding my life, but that is not wholly so. Though I will defend the value of bedtime stories to my last gasp, I have learned to value imagination in a much broader sense. Imagination is not only the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not, and therefore the fount of all invention and innovation. In its arguably most transformative and revelatory capacity, it is the power that enables us to empathise with humans whose experiences we have never shared.

One of the greatest formative experiences of my life preceded Harry Potter, though it informed much of what I subsequently wrote in those books. This revelation came in the form of one of my earliest day jobs. Though I was sloping off to write stories during my lunch hours, I paid the rent in my early 20s by working in the research department at Amnesty International’s headquarters in London.

There in my little office I read hastily scribbled letters smuggled out of totalitarian regimes by men and women who were risking imprisonment to inform the outside world of what was happening to them. I saw photographs of those who had disappeared without trace, sent to Amnesty by their desperate families and friends. I read the testimony of torture victims and saw pictures of their injuries. I opened handwritten, eye-witness accounts of summary trials and executions, of kidnappings and rapes.

Many of my co-workers were ex-political prisoners, people who had been displaced from their homes, or fled into exile, because they had the temerity to think independently of their government. Visitors to our office included those who had come to give information, or to try and find out what had happened to those they had been forced to leave behind.

I shall never forget the African torture victim, a young man no older than I was at the time, who had become mentally ill after all he had endured in his homeland. He trembled uncontrollably as he spoke into a video camera about the brutality inflicted upon him. He was a foot taller than I was, and seemed as fragile as a child. I was given the job of escorting him to the Underground Station afterwards, and this man whose life had been shattered by cruelty took my hand with exquisite courtesy, and wished me future happiness.

And as long as I live I shall remember walking along an empty corridor and suddenly hearing, from behind a closed door, a scream of pain and horror such as I have never heard since. The door opened, and the researcher poked out her head and told me to run and make a hot drink for the young man sitting with her. She had just given him the news that in retaliation for his own outspokenness against his country’s regime, his mother had been seized and executed.

Every day of my working week in my early 20s I was reminded how incredibly fortunate I was, to live in a country with a democratically elected government, where legal representation and a public trial were the rights of everyone.

Every day, I saw more evidence about the evils humankind will inflict on their fellow humans, to gain or maintain power. I began to have nightmares, literal nightmares, about some of the things I saw, heard and read.

And yet I also learned more about human goodness at Amnesty International than I had ever known before.

Amnesty mobilises thousands of people who have never been tortured or imprisoned for their beliefs to act on behalf of those who have. The power of human empathy, leading to collective action, saves lives, and frees prisoners. Ordinary people, whose personal well-being and security are assured, join together in huge numbers to save people they do not know, and will never meet. My small participation in that process was one of the most humbling and inspiring experiences of my life.

Unlike any other creature on this planet, humans can learn and understand, without having experienced. They can think themselves into other people’s minds, imagine themselves into other people’s places.

Of course, this is a power, like my brand of fictional magic, that is morally neutral. One might use such an ability to manipulate, or control, just as much as to understand or sympathise.

And many prefer not to exercise their imaginations at all. They choose to remain comfortably within the bounds of their own experience, never troubling to wonder how it would feel to have been born other than they are. They can refuse to hear screams or to peer inside cages; they can close their minds and hearts to any suffering that does not touch them personally; they can refuse to know.

I might be tempted to envy people who can live that way, except that I do not think they have any fewer nightmares than I do. Choosing to live in narrow spaces can lead to a form of mental agoraphobia, and that brings its own terrors. I think the wilfully unimaginative see more monsters. They are often more afraid.

What is more, those who choose not to empathise may enable real monsters. For without ever committing an act of outright evil ourselves, we collude with it, through our own apathy.

One of the many things I learned at the end of that Classics corridor down which I ventured at the age of 18, in search of something I could not then define, was this, written by the Greek author Plutarch: What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.

That is an astonishing statement and yet proven a thousand times every day of our lives. It expresses, in part, our inescapable connection with the outside world, the fact that we touch other people’s lives simply by existing.

But how much more are you, Harvard graduates of 2008, likely to touch other people’s lives? Your intelligence, your capacity for hard work, the education you have earned and received, give you unique status, and unique responsibilities. Even your nationality sets you apart. The great majority of you belong to the world’s only remaining superpower. The way you vote, the way you live, the way you protest, the pressure you bring to bear on your government, has an impact way beyond your borders. That is your privilege, and your burden.

If you choose to use your status and influence to raise your voice on behalf of those who have no voice; if you choose to identify not only with the powerful, but with the powerless; if you retain the ability to imagine yourself into the lives of those who do not have your advantages, then it will not only be your proud families who celebrate your existence, but thousands and millions of people whose reality you have helped transform for the better. We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better.

I am nearly finished. I have one last hope for you, which is something that I already had at 21. The friends with whom I sat on graduation day have been my friends for life. They are my children’s godparents, the people to whom I’ve been able to turn in times of trouble, friends who have been kind enough not to sue me when I’ve used their names for Death Eaters. At our graduation we were bound by enormous affection, by our shared experience of a time that could never come again, and, of course, by the knowledge that we held certain photographic evidence that would be exceptionally valuable if any of us ran for Prime Minister.

So today, I can wish you nothing better than similar friendships. And tomorrow, I hope that even if you remember not a single word of mine, you remember those of Seneca, another of those old Romans I met when I fled down the Classics corridor, in retreat from career ladders, in search of ancient wisdom:
As is a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters.
I wish you all very good lives.

Thank you very much.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

The Hardest Part...

The hardest part of saying goodbye
is having to do it again every single day.
Everyday we face the same truth
That life is fleeting
That our time here is short
And to honor the fallen
We must live our own lives well...

Friday, September 26, 2008

Heart Breaks

When your heart breaks, you've got to fight like hell to make sure you're still alive. Because you are, and that pain you feel...that's life. The confusion and fear, that's there to remind you that somewhere out there is something better, and that something is worth fighting for.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Is this it??

I'm utterly pissed.
I seriously don't know the cause of it yet.
But it seems that i basically hate how my life has turned out to be.
Its not what i thought that i would turn out be after so many years.
i just hate the way life is at the moment.
i wish that i could change them.
maybe i can, or maybe i cant due to the consequences.
I'm always reminded by the cause and the effect theory.
several years ago i wouldn't even let anything affect the way i live my life
but now its all different.
people change, places change, basically everything changes except the way i feel still remains the same.
things have changed during the course of time.
i don't know where to go from here.
is this it??

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Where I Stood

The Last GoodBye IV: First and Last Time

dear ......,
This the story of the first and last time i ever fell in love and of the handsome, complicated, fascinating man who inhabits my soul. I'm pretty sure that you're gonna leave me tomorrow. so i better say this while i have the chance.

whether we are together or apart,
you will always be the man of my life,
the only woman i will ever envy is the woman who wins your heart and i will always believe that it was my destiny to be that woman
if we never see each other again, you're out walking one day and you feel a certain presence beside you
that would be me loving you where ever i am...
Happy Bday.

Someone's Fav Song

Friday, September 19, 2008

Dependency

i recently attended a birthday treat of one of my closest friends. all of her friends, her batch mates and i was there. i came late for the treat, but as i knew everyone who attended it, it really didn't make any difference. as i was sitting there in the middle of a restaurant with familiar faces, i was completely void. i felt so empty, so lonely and so devoid of emotion that i just felt like getting up and leaving. due to obvious reasons i couldn't do that. but all i did was have lunch and spend like half an hour with them, without uttering a so much as a word and left. its like i used be valued and now I'm not anymore. that kinda hit me hard. no one is there for you apart from yourself. you cant depend on others or anyone for anything.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Fit In

Don’t be too fat or too thin
Or too dark or too light
Don’t be too sexual or too chased
Or too smart or too dumb
Just be yourself
But make sure you fit in

Whole World

My whole world’s being ripped away from me... and all I can do is sit here and watch it happen.

What does this mean to you?

He who does not weep does not see.

Grief

Did you ever wonder what it would be like if you weren't you anymore?
If you were suddenly gone.How would your world react? Whatever you imagined is wrong. There is nothing romantic about death. Grief is like the ocean. Its deep and dark and bigger than all of us - and pain is like a thief in the night, quiet, persistent, unfair, and diminished by time and faith and love.

Life is too short

Life is too short. To fight. To be miserable. Don't let the bitter ones change how awesome you are.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Lessons

All you have to do is to pay attention; lessons always arrive when you are ready, and if you can read the signs, you will learn everything you need to know in order to take the next step.We humans have two great problems: the first is knowing when to begin; the second is knowing when to stop.

Freedom

Freedom is not the absence of commitments, but the ability to choose—and commit myself to—what is best for me.

Chasing Cars

That's what they all say...isn't it?

People that are meant to be together always find their way in the end.

Unconditional Love

They give their hearts to each other unconditionally ...that's what true love really is. It's not this fairy tale life that never knows pain, but it's two souls facing it together and diminishing it with unconditional love.

Nothing Else Matters

...Yesterday was a great day and I'm sitting on the bus and I realize that none of my great days in my life matter without you. You're the one I want next to me when my dreams come true and you're the one I want next to me if they don't. As long as I have you... nothing else matters.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

The story of my life

I have truly been in love once
The most amazing person in the world.
He was my best friend.
but i was young, stupid and i messed it up
In my great list of mistakes,
that was the greatest.
and when i finally realized how stupid i was
i decided to fight for it
but i was too late
he wouldn't take me back,
he was right,
i never really was too late...

No good

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Faith

Preparation will only take you so far. After that you got to take a few leaps of faith.

Experience

Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want to get.

Fear

When I was young, I couldn't sleep at night because I thought there was a monster in the closet. But my brother told me there wasn't anything in the closet but fear. And fear wasn't real. H said it wasn't made of anything, it was just- air... not even there. He said you just have to face it. You just have to open that door, and the monster would disappear.

But in here, though, you face your fear, you open that door... and there's 100 more doors behind it. And the monsters that are hiding behind them... are all real.

Summer Love

They say summer love is fleeting. But sometimes what starts as a fling, can lead to the real thing. A simple trip to the beach can be all it takes to clear our heads and open our heads, and write a new ending to an old story. There are those who got burned by the heat. They just want to forget and start over. While there are others who want each moment to last forever. But everyone can agreed on one thing - tans fade, highlights go dark, and we all get sick of getting sand in our shoes. But summer is the beginning of a new season, so we find ourselves looking to the future. You ain't seen nothin' yet.